so, here i am...after all these months. i'm finally in north carolina.
well, i'm in an apartment. this apartment kinda sucks. i mean i don't hate it, i'm just not used to it. i miss my old room like crazy. i went looking at a house yesterday, and this room had the same color as my old one and i started to cry and i almost couldn't stop. and today was the only day i hadn't cried about new jersey. i just need to go back...soon. i can't bear it anymore. i'm lonely, isolated and just really depressed. i've been working out though, and i've been so sore -_-

i know i shouldn't spread this to all of dA, but my parents got into a fight today over the house we put an offer on, my mom hates making descisions. i can tell my mom's lonely too, my dad's been consumed with work so being lonely doesn't matter. i tried doing soccer and i had anxiety breakdowns, it was pure running. and i suck at running and i got so consumed of what everyone else thought, i just couldn't take it. i was the last one to finish any lap..and i just..it was bad. my mom was really pissed at me for dropping out of soccer after only one practice. but, it's just been a soup of emotions (hense the title) of anger, depression, fustration, loneliness, hatred, confusion, sadness, woe and just tired.

i want to go back home to new jersey. it's the only place i know. i hope i make friends, i probably will but i have a feeling nc isn't going to be the change i wanted.

love you jerseyites. <3